i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
