we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
