Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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