What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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