in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
