Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
