the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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