no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
