i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
