My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
