I heard we made out
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
they need to just BURY HIM!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
