I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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