What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
How's work?
Spinning.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
