so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
