if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
