Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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