When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
