I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
