if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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