First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
