...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
