Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
