The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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