some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
