New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
