i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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