i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
