I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
