My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
