Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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