My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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