I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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