I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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