He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
