Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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