Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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