Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize