just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize