I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
