Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
