dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
