his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
