I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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