What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
