I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
