Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
