any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
