Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
did i walk over a car last night?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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