laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize