He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
