Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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