One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
