god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
