Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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