I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
