and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We had to coat check the pizza.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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