That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
