i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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