My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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