dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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