She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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