The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
