and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is Oprah even human
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
