Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
