Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
