She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
