I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
