Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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