exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
