I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
