u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
