I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
