I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
