Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
