Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
