Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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