i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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