Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize