And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
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