Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
