"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
