i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
