There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
