Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
