im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
