He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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