I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
