Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
