The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
