I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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