Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
ttyl tear gas
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
