my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
