i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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