They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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