I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
