You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
