am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
