I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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