mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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