i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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