It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize