i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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