Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
