I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
