I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
