I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
